Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Jouney to blogging

Who would have thought… me… as computer illiterate as you can possibly be and still functioning in the 2000's…blogging?!? As I've been checking out some other awesome blogs…I hear myself saying over and over…"How did they do that? That's COOL!"…I recently heard "someone" use the term "blog envy" and I'm pretty sure that describes the feelings I'm having. Sure, I can send an email, create a simple document, surf the web, even do some simple desktop publishing but, that's about it. I still don't really know the speed of our modem...oh, wait a minute, I don't think we have a modem anymore; maybe we have...uhm, something else. I sure don't know anything about HTLM or website creation…

I don't really know how much memory this little machine has…I just know when I saved too many pictures, (oh yeah, jpegs) I start getting messages from the little man inside that I'm running out of storage space…not sure what to do about it, he says to delete some of my unimportant stuff…well, it's all important or I wouldn't have saved it!

Anyway, I've always been a writer (defined simply by being one who writes), at least since I asked for and received my first diary when I was eight. Ahem, I've had a couple works published...if you count the local newspaper for a poetry contest I entered (after quite a bit of encouragement from a teacher), and our high school annual. I've written short stories, longer stories, and volumes of prose filled with teen angst as well as attempts to contain some of my more spiritual moments. I've dealt with many a perceived tribulation, defeated villains, planned for the future, dissected the past, worked out anger and heartbreak with pen, paper and solitude. I've even occasionally chronicled the joyous occasions, attempting to record the highest of highs with words that usually fall short. I've typically thought of writing as cheap therapy...me communicating with me…pondering, prayers to my God, moments of quiet that give birth to actually hearing from the Holy Spirit…in my darkest moments, giving thoughts too risky to be shared out loud a voice…essays on life, love, joy and pain to be placed in journals, a record of my journey to be kept tightly to my chest and reviewed if life happens to require a recall of details and events…but rarely to be shared with anyone else. Throughout the years of our marriage, I have shared some of my writing with my husband, Joe. He has continued to harass me to write a novel, thinking that this would add to the income of our family and "keep him in a manner he could become accustomed to". Although, I usually scoff at him; I often think I do have a novel inside me somewhere…but not yet. I think God might be using my journey and life experiences to give me ideas for that possibility…one day.

Writing began to become public activity for me after children began to take over most of our energy and an unbalanced amount of our (excuse me, "my") focus. I regularly sent family updates and photos by email to everyone who might have interest in our life, supporting and loving us. This grew exponentially when my nephew, Samuel, was born in 2004. Sam is a beautiful little black-haired, brown-eyed boy with Down's syndrome and has many complications that go along with that syndrome. I began sending updates, specific prayer requests as well as just information to our family and friends. This led me to creating a blog for Sam on a website, Caringbridge.com specifically for families with long term illnesses. It was really simple and easy and was fun to keep up to date.

I found myself wishing I could do that sort of thing for our family as well. Joe even joked one night about my obsession…our family computer/email/organizing photos… "Are you blogging?"

At that time I wasn't and didn't have a clue how to go about doing it…then I got a new laptop computer for Christmas and signed up for a new Gmail account which then offered me a link to blogspot.com…hum, what was this and could it be easy?

A few weeks passed not being sure about all that, then I discovered a friend's blog…and another friend's…and another friend…and I joined the club! And although it could use a great deal of tweaking…I have a blog.

I'm not sure where all this will lead, but, my hope is that it leads to some creative writing exercises…improving my skill…some accountability that I'm writing from my mentors Bee and Sonderella (Joe loves your blog's name by the way!).

Writing has always offered a window into my soul and as life's disappointments have piled up, I've realized (thanks to The Sacred Romance) that instead of embracing the thing that made my heart soft and pliable…I've gotten too busy to write. In those busy moments, it has been easier for my heart to drift away from my True Love…easier to stop dreaming…easier to get closed off from relationships and truly loving others…

So I start back on a journey to having a heart that's open to possibilities…

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