On a Tuesday that feels like a Monday...

We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend!  It began w/a pizza and movie night on Friday.  Followed by meeting some lovely ladies for coffee and conversation early Saturday morning and we then took off for the NC Zoo Saturday and made a day of it!  I didn't take the camera, so there are no pictures of us looking at the animals.  It was a good day, even if the polar bear was sleeping and we missed the giraffe feeding...maybe next time!
Nate spent most of the day asking a million questions about the A-10 Warthog, working out a plan for joining the Air Force so he can fly one...and building a Nater-ized model with duct tape and recyclables from our bin.  The topic seemed to come from out of the blue, but we finally figured out that someone in his class has a A-10 Warthog pilot for a Daddy.
Sunday, we went to Lake Tillery Church.  Joe has been planning to visit for quite a while.  We had lunch with friends at The Boondocks...followed by a refreshing couple hours on a dock by the lake.  We made it back home in time for a short nap followed by evening worship at our church. 
Funny Nate story from Sunday:  A wonderful lady named Betty was chatting with us, and told Nate she liked his bracelet.  I explained it's a medic alert bracelet, that Nate's allergic to eggs and peanuts.  She said, "Oh, my husband, Larry is allergic to shellfish".
Nate replied, "you mean he's not able to lie?"  We were both puzzled as this comment seemed to us to come out of the blue. 
I said," what did you say buddy?"
He said, "you said he's allergic to selfish, so he's not able to lie"


Yesterday Joe mowed the field yard, then he and Em went shopping for new running shoes for her.  Em and I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning under her bed (egads!!) and her closet.  Motivated by who knows what...both kids actually had a pretty good pile of things to take to the coalition.   The Barbies, polly-pockets, two baby dolls, pet shop critters and a few stuffed animals got a reprieve and get to stay to play again another day.  Nate weeded out a Handy Manny toy, a pretend fisher price guitar that is small for him, a few puzzles and some books...and the five pair of shoes he JUST outgrew overnight, anyone need size 11, maybe even some size 12s?

Back to work today, to a steady but not crazy day for me!  This is Joe's second week of classes and his second Hebrew test...I quizzed him last night on the letter sounds--I figure that's about all the help I'll be with that.  As of right now he has about 15 hours of classes that he's either beginning or trying to finish.  On campus Fall classes are on Tuesday from 8am to 5:30pm.  He's finishing up virtual classes that he began this summer as well as a summer intensive (one of those classes that he does on campus with the course work condensed into 5 consecutive days of lectures with assigned reading, tests and papers to be done by a date a month or so away). 

Meanwhile...back at the motel clinic, I re-certified for CPR right after office hours were over...easy-peasy compared to all of that!!  I've been back to work for 2 years, all my certifications are up for renewal.

Oh...my thanksgiving...(as I "dare to live fully right where I am" and I give thanks and unwrap my gift of joy..Ephesians 5:20)

I'm thankful for rain...the rain that washes away and refreshes and renews!
for simple meals...
for children who listen well when it's least expected
for mandarin oranges in salad...a burst of sweetness in an unexpected place
and for friends who ask "What is your biggest struggle right now"...and the faithfulness they have to pray us through it, no matter how big or small.
and I'm thankful for people who think of things like this and the hope I have that my friend Betty could help me learn how to put a zipper in something! 

This weekday...

is ending quietly...
Pizza, the movie Rio...a game of chess for Dad & Em...a game of Sequence between us all...thoughts of a zoo trip for tomorrow...

"Gifts" of today: 
people who make messes and are able to help clean them up...
Growing kids who are able to sit around the dining room table (or wiggle around the table) and play games that require some thinking...
clean sheets...
a student body government representative race--Lost...and the lessons learned in the losing
co-workers who pitch in...work together...and laugh deep & loud...
friends who send emails that give the low down on what their week has been like even though you've barely had time to talk...
One more final exam completed!

Formal Announcement?

Can I just start blogging again?  Would Miss Manners say a formal reintroduction is required after a 6 month silence with NO posts, no pictures, no words....no documentation of life being lived...


I've created at least a zillion blog posts in my mind, usually beginning in the shower...continuing while I'm blow drying my hair and brushing my teeth...pausing while I yell at the kids that we need to leave RIGHT NOW or we will be LATE...until the moment I'm in the car alone, and then the ideas and thoughts become words flowing again...prayers and thanksgivings...sweet moments of words coming together like a mosaic...reflection of smells and sounds of life with husband and children filling this house...poignant moments and observations while waiting and growing and loving...the stories of living waiting to be told, quickly forgotten as I walk through the front door of the clinic and pin the nurses' cap and smile in place.  Evening will come, and any inkling of words to type, memories to capture and photos to post become the vague impression of "something I was going to...".  So the words continue to whirl, photos remain captive in their plastic prison, funny things said yesterday can't be repeated quite right and the sweet smell of young hair after a shower turns to...well not sweet...and a life full of blessings remains uncharted.

You can judge, but I think I'll just jump right in!

Together...

"The life of holiness is the life of faith in which the believer, with a deepening knowledge of his own sin and helplessness apart from Christ, increasingly casts himself upon the Lord, and seeks the power of the Spirit and the wisdom and comfort of the Bible to battle against the world, the flesh and the devil.  It is not a lonely or cheerless struggle for Christ gives the Spirit to the members of his body to help one another."
  The Church, Edmund P. Clowney (Pg 89)

Just a blurb from one of the ten books on Joe's nightstand this week...not lonely or cheerless---we have the fellowship of the Holy Spirit to help each other...((sigh))...

The busyness of life surrounds us...sometimes lonely...sometimes loud....but always together.

Joe is well under way with his second year of seminary.  Em is back to the soccer-mill.  Practice twice a week and games on Saturdays.  She had her first game last week and did an awesome job in position of goalie.
Nate had his first "play-date" today without me present.  Big steps....
We had some tough moments this week and were shocked a little by the oldest's air-ance of grievances...how hard it is to be the big sister, how we make her feel left out sometimes, how hard it is to be almost 10 and at such an in-between age (yes, she used most of those words)...how unfair it is that she loses priviledges because of the allergies/illnesses of her brother...how she never has alone time with either of us...because HE is ALWAYS there.  We listened, were thankful she found a voice for her feelings and are trying to do better at the things that we can...and yesterday we had a date at Panera (hot chocolate and a big cookie for her, hazelnut coffee for me)...and then we went to Wal-Mart and looked at girl things...and there was a smile on her face.

Snowdays...

Unexpected holidays!  We have had two days in a row to just be...and it's been wonderful.  I can't believe both our works were closed Monday and Tuesday.  The ice paralyzed everything this morning.  I am very thankful that I work somewhere that can close unlike the hospital, where you have to figure out how to get there to relieve staff.  I have gone in for many shifts with a bag packed just in case I couldn't leave because of weather, we would sleep in the empty beds...fun stuff!

We got about 3 inches of snow Monday and then about 1/4 inch of ice last night.  It looks like an icy winter wonderland outside today. 
Not a lot was accomplished these past two days, but we had fun.  I am sure the clinic will be open tomorrow, Joe is headed to work, but the kids are still out of school.

Here's a few pictures to share of the fun!

  Joe has his overalls on because he spent most of these two days in his shop working on a 

TV stand and shelves for the den that he's building from MDF...
okay, maybe someone accomplished a lot. 

Nate had to wear his overalls too.

Em just can't miss out on hugging.

The kids built a "little snowman because we only had a little snow"

Nate came and asked for the carrot, Em had plucked the Holly berries.

A quick confession...

I haven't enjoyed going to work this week.  I've really had a horrible attitude about leaving the kids every day of this last week of their break.  I've had trouble counting the blessings in the fact that I have a good job to go to...and that they have great people loving them while I'm away.  I've drug my feet getting ready, slammed things around while packing my lunch, complained about things that are small offenses, forgotten things that are necessary (nametag, lunch etc) because I'm distracted in my crumminess.

It's a heart issue, I know that.  It's an issue that lies deep within being content in my circumstances.  There have been lots of times during this motherhood adventure that I would have been ELATED to have 4-5 hours away from the children...instead of counting the hours of every break from school they will have until they are in college and how I am MISSING 25 hours this week of those times...

So, I admit I have been whiny and hard to deal with this week...I'm sorry...and I will try to do better.

Thoughts on Thursday...

I have been rowing my oars just trying to keep afloat, and not doing too well at it quite honestly.  It seems I have a different schedule every week...with a different routine...and a revolving to-do-list.  But, some big projects have been completed at our house during the last couple of weeks, with big finale celebrations at school today.  Emily's class has been studying History of the Middle ages this year.  It has been quite interesting as "she" learns facts about St. Augustine, the Viking invasion, St. Benedict, Otto I, Alfred the Great, The East-West Schism the council of Chalcedon...the topic for the past two weeks has been the Fuedal system.  It is culminating in a Medieval feast today complete with entertainment and (as authentic as the Mom's could get) authentic cuisine.  A project is also due today...a project that incited fear and excitement when it was announced on back to school night...a Medieval Castle.  Much thought went into the material that would be used, the how's and the what's and even a few of the why's.  And after much planning, thought and attention to detail...our castle is complete....
 

We had another doctor appointment at the UNC Peds clinic for Nate on Monday...here's a few updates from that. He was able to have his flu shot after having scratch testing for eggs and the influenza vaccine.  It seems his skin reaction was quite a bit less than it was when we first had it done, which I am taking as a good sign!  As it is decreasing, it increases the chance that Nate will be able to have denatured egg protein.  This egg has been cooked a while in a recipe (baked as in cupcakes/cakes/brownies) but not an egg that has been included in something quick cooked like pancakes.  I know it doesn't sound like it would change our life much...it would still mean we would need to be careful with eggs...but he could have things home made baked goodies from friends in their own kitchens!  We go back in March...probably will have more blood drawn and pulmonary function tests again.  She added a nasal spray and thinks she will discontinue his Singulair and then zyrtec...and start decreasing the Advair inhaler!!!  All good things!

Nate's thoughts on Blasphemy and careers...

Overheard in preschool:

Other 4 year old:   "OH MY GOD, I love cake!!!!"

Third grader who happened by:  "Oh, we don't say the Lord's name in Vain"

Nate:  with a shrug, "I just say it in English...."

Next Week:

Nate:  "My sister wants to be a teacher when she grows up"

Teacher (Mrs. Cooke):  "She must have lots of patience"

Nate:  "No...teachers don't have patients, they have kids"

Previous week:

Nate:  running by Mrs. Cooke "I got my own deoderant"

My eye is twitching....and I can't make it stop!

so after reasearching....
I do believe that I have all the possible causes....and at this rate, my eye will be twitching until heaven.

Eye twitches can be caused by all kinds of things. In order to treat eye twitching you need to understand what the possible causes are in your specific case. Here is a list of the common eye twitch causes.

• Lack of sleep (Treatment Page): If you haven’t been getting enough sleep lately especially if it has been an ongoing issue this is a likely cause of your eye twitching. This is connected to general fatigue.
• Stress (Treatment Page): Events in your life that have caused you to become stressed out may be the reason you are suffering from eye twitches. This is connected to general fatigue.
• Fatigue (Treatment Page): General fatigue from overworking yourself or living a sedentary lifestyle is another possibility. It seems physical fatigue, which comes in many forms, is often a trigger for eye twitching.
• Screens(Comp/TV) (Treatment Page): This is one of the more controversial causes as many people who have an eye twitch don’t look at a screen excessively. However, it is still a very common cause for a lot of people. Our eyes depend on constant movement and focusing at different distances to stay healthy.
• Vitamin Deficiency (Treatment Page): If you aren’t eating a balanced diet you might be missing out on certain vitamins and minerals. A vitamin deficiency eye twitching is a very common cause but also one that is easy to treat.
• Eye Strain (Treatment Page): Your vision might have gotten worse causing you to strain your eyes when reading, driving or other common tasks. Most people don’t even notice when they’re straining their eyes so check during activities when you’re using your eyes.
• Allergies (Treatment Page): When you’re suffering from allergies your eyes can become very irritated and produce eyelid twitching. A lot of times a person won’t have any other symptoms of allergies so this can be a hard cause to uncover. If you have a history of allergies this is a good possibility though.
• Caffeine (Treatment Page): As I’m sure you know caffeine is a stimulant and acts on the central nervous system. If you’ve been consuming excessive amounts of caffeine or using it for a long time this could be the cause.
• Pinched Nerve (Treatment Page): Both physical trauma and gradual tension build up can result in a compressed or pinched nerve in the neck or face resulting in eye twitching.
• Medication (Treatment Page): Certain medications have a history of producing eye twitches as a side effect. If you’re taking any medication do research on possible side effects and consult your doctor.
• Withdrawal (Treatment Page): Benzodiazepine withdrawal and long term use very often produce eyelid twitching. Very often this produces blepharospasm which is when both eyes are affacted and is a known risk factor for developing it.
• Neurological Disorder (Treatment Page): There is a long list of neurological disorders that can cause eyelid twitches but producing such a list would only scare you. If you have no other medical issues or symptoms then you probably don’t have a neurological problem but always consult with a doctor if you’re concerned this is a possibility.

These are all the causes of eye twitching that I have identified. I’m certain that your specific case of eyelid twitch fits into one of these categories. It is a strong possibility that more than one of the above causes is resulting in your eye twitching. To identify all the factors in your life that could be causing this annoying problem please consider each of the above carefully. This will help you single out your specific risk factors so that you can go on to eye twitch treatment.

A Day of Facebook Status Updates

I guess this is what it would look like if I "twittered" or "tweeted"....or updated my facebook status with every little detail...whatever...

• 7:30am....is drinking a whole pot of coffee all-by-herself, she's gonna need it!
• 0815am....is yelling at kids to get in the car before we are late to soccer...
• 0840am....has one set of soccer pictures done, with two boys...coffee refilled from the thermos
• 0845am....is surviving the chaos with help...sent the girl with friends to her team photos and game
• 0930am....is watching the boy score a goal!
• 0945am....found the boy's lost water bottle!
• 0950am...is speeding across town to watch the girl's game
• 0955am...must stop for camera batteries and snack for boy
• 1015am....made it!   The keeper is doing a great job keeping the team from scoring!
• 1100am...watched the girls team play great....still lost the game...but way to go KEEPER!
• 1230pm...has shopping done at Walmart, what a zoo!  Halloween costumes and candy purchases complete.
• 1330pm...is taking a deep breath, happy meals and a playground...and spying a fellow mom with a FLASK of liquor hanging out of her jacket pocket?!?  
• 1345pm....is listening to flask mom's sad tales, is appropriately sympathetic and empathetic...and tells her we'll be praying for her to get a job and for daughter to make friends in her new school...felt like a platitude...
• 1450pm...is stealing garbage from outside playground at Mickeydees...yes, she (the mom!) threw the retainer away!!! 
• 1500pm...leaving Mickey-dees feeling heavy hearted and unsure what I could/should have done to help....and while I was talking to the mom, my girl was in the slide asking the other girl if she knows Jesus and is a Christian...((sigh)).
•  1502pm...drove around Mickey-dees several times looking to see if flask mom and daughter had a ride or were walking, didn't see them again...
• 1515pm....stopped at a yard sale:  Lincoln Logs, bug jar, a couple books...
• 1600pm....is home...cleaning kitchen
• 1630pm...put it off long enough, sorted through the garbage and found the retainer (YUCK!!!!)
• 1745pm...is headed to a friends house so a date night can be had....
• 1900pm...caught-the-oven-on-fire....uuugghhh!!!!  Salt (instead of baking soda) works on fire too...everyone is safe...afraid the oven might be toast...
• 2030pm....is thankful everyone is fine, in bed--now we just wait for date night to be over....
• 2200pm....is home in bed...alone...still worried about the oven...praying for flask mom & daughter...goodnight FB!

allergy update...

I got a call from UNC this morning regarding Nate's allergy testing/x-rays that we went up for last week.
I was very impressed with the amount of time they spent with us, both the resident and the attending...as well as all the ancillary staff (respiratory therapists, lab techs and x-ray techs were wonderful!).  They want to see him again in a month and he will need to be off his zyrtec a couple of days so they can do skin prick testing at that visit (sshhhh, don't tell him!)  The biggest goal at this point seems to be to decide if his asthma is "true asthma" or asthma caused by allergies.

The results gave us some great news, some unexpected news and things to watch:

Nate is not allergic to any grasses, weeds or trees.  I think a positive here might have led down the path of desensitization shots. ((YUCK))

He is allergic (mildly) to dogs & cats---for now Dr. Duncan said to not allow the dog to be/sleep in his room (which she doesn't if we catch her!) and to have him wash his hands after any contact w/animals.  This will mean some changes for Bella girl...and we may even HAVE to invest in that $40 dog bed and train her to sleep there instead of being sneaky and climbing on the beds!

He is allergic to dust mites (which are running rampant esp in NC, they like our humid weather!)...so we have a trip to Wal-mart to purchase mattress, pillow and comforter covers...washing bed linens every week and we have to choose only one or two washable stuffed animal to love...dust mites love those breeding grounds as well.

He is allergic to fungus...not much action to take there.

His chest xray looked good, his Pulmonary function test was great for his age (they told me it's really difficult to get accurate results on that test at his age, and they just wanted a baseline to use for the future).  His sinus x-ray was "equivocal for thickening" which just means the results weren't clear and it will need possible follow-up (maybe even a Sinus CT scan), treatment for chronic sinusitis is 3 weeks of antibiotics (which, if I'm not mistaken, he was given either last winter or spring---because he was going through a really rough patch that wouldn't clear up).

As far as foods he is still strongly allergic to peanuts and he should completely avoid them.  For some reason they left off the test for eggs, their error Dr. Duncan said, which she was very apologetic for and they will test for that at the follow up visit.  She didn't mention tree nuts and I didn't think of it while we were on the phone...but she said to feel free to email any questions I think of later.

All for now, thank you so much for all your prayers as you walk through this journey with us!  We are so very thankful for EACH one of you...

She's catching on...

A few minutes ago I rudely interrupted Em "playing barbee's with Nate" (I didn't ask and don't want to know...I THINK he plays w/the barbie cars)...to ask her to feed the dog and take her laundry out to the garage (that's where we do laundry, you know).  I was going to put a load in the washer.  There was no sighing, no eye rolling...she obeyed immediately...with no complaining.
I realized I hadn't heard her come back in and I put the paper down and went to sort her laundry and put a load in...when I got to the garage, I find her just working hard, sorting away and singing at the top of her lungs.  I backed away from the door and back to the newspaper!
These sure are some sweet times in the parenting world!

It's Saturday...

and I am so very creative with the blog titles these days!  I feel as if this day has flown by.  It has been the bookend of a very busy week.  The kids are on fall break, and had different people love them during the hours I worked every day...and I am so THANKFUL!! for all that LOVE!  it just made the week seem to go extremely fast.
Today's highlights included lots of sniffles and congestion for me...soccer games with possible 1st degree burns from the sun (Em's team won and she had some really good kicks)...a yard sale that was close & we picked up a few wonderful books (The Tale of Despereaux, A Nancy Drew Mystery #1 The Secret of the Old Clock, Black Beauty,and an abridged version of The Wizard of Oz for 8-12 yr olds and an American Girl book)  all 50 cents each except for the Nancy Drew which was hard back and $1.  The kids were invited to lunch with Granma after soccer---thank you G'ma & Auntie J!  I had a couple hours, some generic cold medicine and a short nap added to my day.

So, here I find myself at the end of the day, awaiting Joe's return from an overnight trip to Atlanta.  I think he's about an hour away. I'm watching PBS kids (why, you ask?  I often find myself watching kids shows and listening to the kids music when they are no longer around...crazy I know)...and getting ready to read another chapter in the Paul Tripp book Joe recommended, which is really good by the way.

The One Book...

The one book that Joe strongly states I have to read the "whole time" he's in seminary...don't have to read anything else...but just this one book...I think it really made an impression on him.
I'm starting it tonight, I'll let you know what I think...

Someone's praying for me...

to become what I need to be for the Lord to use me in His ministry...I can feel it.

It's as if the Lord has ripped my heart from my body and has placed it on the anvil...it's painful, yet reassuring in an odd way...to know that as God looks at my brokeness...my sin...my misbehaviors...my tantrums...my misguided thoughts...my twisted motives...
that He sees it all from an eternal perspective and what seems to be torture and suffering today may just be the remolding of my heart to be what He needs it to be for His glory....

A Parent Teacher Conference...

Tuition at a private Classical Christian School.... $$$
Uniforms & materials fees... $$
School Supplies... $

Hearing that she is "doing just fine" adjusting and making friends from a trusted teacher and seeing straight A's on her first report card....priceless!!!

Two funerals and a wedding...sort of...

I know by now, y'all think I've done quit bloggin' and you're partly right...'cause I've been doin' a lot of livin'.  I will try my best to catch you up on the happenin's of life...if you cain't tell, I've spent some time in Ten-e-see (one of the funerals and then back to celebrate a birthday) and some in West Virginey (the wedding, or actually a wedding renewal to celebrate 50 years of wedded bliss & blisters)...and it was all great fun...when I can get MY computer to stay on for more than five minutes I will upload some pictures and share in great detail....until then....I'll try to get my voice back & be the 40-year old self I've grown into being.  Here's some tidbits to whet your appetite until then:

• the girl starts 4th (yes FOURTH) grade tomorrow at our local Christian school...God provided the means and I am thankful...
• the boy has another few weeks of down time before he will start pre-K
• I'm praying for his teacher (you should too...)
• I haven't had a bathing suit on all summer...1. because I haven't had time to swim 2. because I never did start that walking I was planning to do back in the spring.
• Hubs "preached" his first sermon as a divinity student last night at our church...I was surprised at how well he did...and I'm pretty critical of him...
• It's been the quickest longest summer I think I've ever had!

A nice evening...

It's a busy week for me...a full schedule, some new responsibilities at work (cardiology has a new prescription refill line), the last week of school for DD, a week with hubs buried in books a few hours away. 
It was nice to fit in an impromptu dinner with a neighbor...glad I had the inspiration (too much food for us to eat) and the motivation (would have been mac & cheese AGAIN probably as I felt guilty about the nice meal I should have fixed)
It was nice to share veggies that had been shared with us (thanks to some friends going on vacation and letting me pick up their Sandhills Farm to Table coop box)...nice to have kids fighting over whose going to get to sleep with Mom...nice to get a phone call from someone who misses us...nice to have friends and family loving our kids (hope the D kids got their snoozes)!

this week is all about staying grateful...

Be thinking...

Our second "annual" Women's ministry brunch is Saturday. Come, heads filled with ideas about fun things to do...what you need...and what getting those needs met could look like. Be prepared to laugh, cry...and eat! Now, I gotta put M&Ms on that shopping list...

Her Birthday...

Started with our traditional family dinner on THE day of the actual birthday, no matter what!!  This comes from Joe's growing up experience of celebrating holidays on a very crazy schedule with his mom being a nurse and working most actual holidays...Christmas would be "rescheduled" until the next day off...this scarred him for life, and as a result...we MUST celebrate holidays on their calendar day...sooo...enough said.

She asked for Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, broccoli & cheese, yeast rolls and dirt cake...tinkertoys & a sleepover for friends on Friday...

It'll bloom any day now...

She's ahead of me on the path. All legs and ponytail swishing. She's lanky and adjusting to a body that's changing everyday. She yells, "I'm taking that path and I'll meet you on the other side". She's yearning for a little independence. She doesn't even look back to see if I'm following. Her gaze is focused on her destination. She skips, hopscotches and takes the long way around. Then one foot flies one way and the other lands crooked and she goes down on the path. She stands up quickly, shakes it off, looks to see if I'm close by and continues skipping.
I pause to look at the Azalea's...they didn't bloom in time for Easter this year, but they should be in glorious full bloom in a week or so, just in time for her 9th birthday. Nine years...If I close my eyes...and shut out the world... I can still smell her newborn fuzzy head, hear her first cry, see her first smile, and know one of the sweetest things in life is having a daughter.

Picture was taken in 2006...when she was 4, it was her birthday & Easter weekend

April 6th

Dear Ms. Spring...
Where did you go and when are you coming back?

Easter pictures of kids...

The boy's soccer

Nate's soccer is really a skill development time, they have a short scrimmage against each other the last 15 minutes or so, but it is fashioned after European Futbol and the focus is really on skill develpment...

Suprise!!!!

A FORTY-ith birthday party!  I couldn't believe it...nothing makes a girl's funk subside like feeling all that LOVE!  What a wonderful thing...and I REALLY was surprised.  Everyone involved had me convinced there would be no celebration.  My best friends took me out to dinner one night this week to "celebrate" at our favorite Japanese Restraunt (and had the waiters sing to me!), which was great and fun and the highlight of my week...donchya'll know.  I thought that was it.  Sweet Hubs said, "oh, we could go out to dinner if you really want to"...and reminded me of how busy our weekend was going to be.  I was like "never mind..."  "I'll be fine...I will not pout!"  Nothing like being old and grumpy!

 and all the while....all the friends who kept asking me what was wrong KNEW that I was getting ready to be got!
And it was one of the sweetest surprises of my life...and as I rounded the corner and spied the balloons and decorations, my first thought was...oh, the school must be having some sort of celebration. 
There were 40 (+) icing roses handmade by my very pregnant friend B, and PRESENTS!!!  Each one of those cupcakes on the stand below has a rose on it...

all these pictures are from my sis-in-law's camera...so they are what they are, I didn't take a camera to small group...and I almost wore sweat pants (Joe said....you're not going to wear that are you?  He knows what's good for him, haha)

The Girl's Soccer

The best part about Em's soccer this year is the color of the uniforms, haha!!  She's having fun and I got some great shots...

and this is what happens to brothers who have to wait for a soccer game to be over...

The funk of fourty is upon me...

 
I don't know exactly why I'm in a funk...it makes no sense.  There are a thousand possible reasons why, yet no single one I can tighten my fingers around.  I always get sad and miss my momma, really all my family-.of-origin, on my birthday...when changes are sensed I long to run for the Hills (the TN hills)
I start thinking about all the people who've come into (and some ultimately out of) my life...the bittersweetness of those friendships...those times...I get sentimental and feel urgency in letting everyone know what they've meant in my life. Abandonment has been a big theme that God has used over and over again in my life...the reality of being abandoned by those in life who should love the most...the fear of the possiblility of it...the acceptance that I may be abandoned by everyone but Him.

I AM kinda tired, been staying up too late and running too much.  The van needs tires...we need to decide about a smaller car Joe has looked at for better gas mileage...I need to return the overdue library books...the girl is already starting to ask what we can do for her birthday...spring cleaning (actually just general cleaning)...stitches that need to be taken out...an overdue visit to TN...my to do list is longer than my it's done list.  Maybe my iron's low...or my Vitamin D...or my seritonin...or maybe my heart is just not in the right place.

I am grasping for a heart attitude of joy...thankfulness for the fullness of life...blessings too many to count...the kind of joy that comes in the morning with the calmness of clouds clearing and a gentle breeze...made more poignant by the deep turbulence of a stormy sorrow filled night.

Last week brought a ton of adventure...busyness beyond measure...sweet moments...an anxiety filled car ride, unsure what I would find at the end of the drive, and relief when after a few hours in the emergency room all was well.  The girl got brackets and wires on her four front teeth...purple, pink and green...they're quite cute.  My babies are growing, just like expected and I'm thankful they are healthy and for the most part obedient and fun to be around.  I'm blessed that our struggles are minimal for now. I have a husband who has found his calling and is at peace and excited about the future.  He has started to live...again.  He is not just going through the motions, when he tells me how much he appreciates all I do...I feel it in my bones.  We are not keeping score...and are truly trying to serve each other...makes for one of the best places we've ever been during our marraige.

I like being in my thirties....being of child bearing age...being able to check the age range box of 30-39 on a survey...not worrying about retnols for my skin and hormone replacement...cholesterol levels...and if that gas pain could be my heart...wrinkle cream still being for later...not thinking did I get enough fiber today...and why is that inch long hair growing out of the side of my face?  AND IS THAT HAIR ON MY CHIN????

Turning fourty, I'm just not sure about yet.  My vision of what I think it will be like is just not clear and as hard as I squint, I cannot convince myself that I have what it takes to run the race.  In the next decade of my life I will be parenting teenagers... as they begin driving, visit colleges, encountering relationships with others independent of me doing a background check...they will become independent and individualistic...and they probably won't want to snuggle or talk to me all the time, maybe not even at all..and they'll be gone from home more than they're here.  It's not that I dread that time of life, it's just different...a change...

We had a pastor who would wisely say that " growth comes through change (good or bad) and change brings conflict".  I think the tangible changes made in our life over the last few months are being made very real in the form of a number...a new decade...new paths...new ministry opportunities...new ways that God is going to stretch and grow me and there'll be some conflict.  ...it's all just a big part of the "unknown" of being in my fourties.

until the ponderings continue
~Loretta

It's one week until...

I'm fourty...what a busy countdown week.  Wednesday was about all I thought I could handle...but then we ended up in the emergency department of our local hospital for a few hours getting these in Nate:

After getting this done for the girl on Wednesday:



Friday really was an uneventful follow up to all those activities.  Friday night was small group at church.  We had a great discussion and I think everyone seemed to be in a great mood.  We're wrapping up our current study and will be starting The Prodigal God, by Tim Keller which I'm very excited about reading and discussing.


A baby shower followed on Saturday for a little sweet miss...lots of pink, lots of fun, lots of laughter...and pink punch.  I love it when the ladies get together...and it's so much sweeter now.
Our pastor's wife did a devotion about mothering daughters that I'm still pondering...and want to read the book some of the ideas came from.  A thought I keep turning around is that it's as important to teach our daughter's not to take offense as it is to teach them not to give offense, with the idea that we women get offended quickly.   I think I'll add a "books to be read" list to my blog so I can keep up with all these wonderful books I keep forgetting I want to read.

Sunday was busy...but worshipful.  A great sermon that you can listen to.  We regret that we have committed to extra activities with the worship service on Sunday night, children's choir will only last a couple more months until it breaks for the summer, but the girl had a talk with the daddy about it feeling like "work" and not feeling like we're having time to "rest" on Sunday.  We'll reevaluate when the time comes.

until more pondering...

Tilapia

I've never known how to cook fish, so it's been a work in progress...so here's a new recipe that's a keeper!  The kids loved it...and I served it with wild rice and steamed veggies...couldn't get any healthier than this!