I hate to spend Sundays rushing around, but really feel like I did a great bit of that this morning, unfortunately. Joe led worship at church this morning, so he left early and I sent Emily ahead with him. Between 6 am and 10 am, I did three loads of laundry this morning...made Cole slaw...made potato salad...and baked brownies...which is really unusual. I LIKE spending early Sunday mornings in bed with a cup of coffee in my hand, a song of praise on my lips, and some scripture in my heart....preparation for worship. Today just wasn't working that way.
Nate & I went blazing out the door just in time...like crazy people! "Quick, get in the car...buckle up...are you buckled yet? Did you get your back-pack? Do we have Bibles? Are you buckled? Oh no Bella's loose in the house, Bella get in your crate...in your CRATE...Nate, are you buckled yet?" Then at church..."hurry, into the nursery...here, let me slap a name tag on your back...did you get your backpack with your epi-pen? Are the snacks okay for you?" You get the picture? Not a pretty site...definitely not a Hallmark card.
If you noticed, I was the one sneaking quietly in to church (with my flip-flops flopping)...just before my husband led the congregation in prayer. My heart stilled and a wonderful worshipful attitude immediately was in my soul...in spite of the busyness I allowed myself to be involved in earlier.
We then went on to have a lovely lunch with our "Summer Supper Club" group at Hillcrest park...great (mostly uninterrupted conversation) time just hanging out together and getting to know some people better.
Our previous youth pastor was visiting and Psalm 130 was on his heart...wonderful!!!
I have been struggling with the decision for Joe (and I...and the kids) to attend seminary...I have been holding out and clinging tightly to life as we know it...I have been quite content for my husband to pursue this calling-- as long as life didn't really change for me. I have been in the pit of my sinfulness. For the first time in the 19 years that God has been pursuing us for this time...I can say I am at peace...I am open...I am truly willing...I am not trying to define what I think this should look like, or make my list of acceptable outcomes (now, that could change in the next few hours, or quite honestly in the next few minutes). I do not know how this mid-life crisis will end...I do not know what life will look like during the three to six years it will take us to get through seminary...I do not know what I am opening myself to by being submissive...It's scary and exciting, terrifying and at the same time I am filled with awe at the adventure ahead.
I know and have affirmation that this is the path we are to be on...I know that the corporate ladder rung we were on was not as fulfilling as it looked to be from the ground...I know that having monetary needs met does not bring a peaceful soul...I know that seeking anything but God's Kingdom and righteousness brings emptiness and longing. At least for today, I am firm in those things...I am sure that there will be times of whining to come...I am who I am.
So, Joe is off for the week to attend a class. A semester's worth of information in 5 days. Systematic Theology II. He was able to take II before Systematic Theology I since he is an ordained Ruling Elder in our local church. His first class, Bible survey involved reading the entire Bible in 12 weeks (which he accomplished) and much memory work (much of which I memorized as well by helping him study). For Systematic Theology, he was required to read two books and write two critical reviews before he even stepped foot in the class. This path will not be easy...
So, our house is settling down...Emily's having a sleepover w/a friend here...Nate's trying to get into her room...Bella's napping...I'm watching a Disney movie...and my heart is full and peaceful. Moments of terror are sure to be around the corner, I'm sure...but for today...Proverbs 16:9...I will make plans, I will make my to-do lists of how to make this new season of life go smoothly, I will pray, I will worship my God....and I will wait... for Him to direct our path...and I will be willing to go down it~
The Pretender (Review)
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